Helping Your Child Survive and Thrive In School - All Year Long
You’ve purchased all the school supplies, the back-to-school shopping is done, and you’ve managed to help your young person get their class schedules nailed down.
Now what?
The transition into the new school year can be an incredibly exciting time; it’s an opportunity to reconnect with old friends not seen since the previous year, or perhaps an easy excuse to break out those fresh kicks and show off some new drip.
But for many middle and high school students, the heightened anticipation is accompanied by feelings of anxiety, concerns related to self esteem, and real fear about returning to the classroom. These worries aren’t limited to students. Parents experience their own anxiety and stressors as well.
For parents this time of year means shifting gears, managing multiple schedules, and staying on top of running a household. There’s a return to band and sports practices, arranging after school care, and following up on homework. Parents often find themselves teaching subjects they haven’t seen in years and confronting the looming boogeyman: report cards.
These challenges are exponential in households with multiple children, each of whom likely faces their own unique adversities. And single parents also face the test of confronting these demands on their own. School supply lists aren’t giving tips on how to manage early back to school anxiety.
So what can parents do to really help their children succeed all year in school? As a family therapist, I’m asked this question a lot.
Here’s what I discuss in Family Therapy to support parents in helping their children succeed in school - all year long.
To Help Your Child Succeed in School: Strategize
If you’re a parent hoping for a smooth start to the school year, sometimes the early weeks of school can feel like a massive whirlwind. But although the chaos can leave parents feeling drained or even at a complete loss, this doesn’t mean that all hope should be abandoned.
Prepping for the upcoming school year may mean having more than one sit-down conversation prior to the ring of the very first bell.
Each conversation is an opportunity for clarifying the goals and hopes young people have for the year. Are they trying out for a school sport or club? Are they trying to hold down a job while working? What classes are they expecting to crush, and which ones seem intimidating?
Conversations like these are great moments for parents and guardians to negotiate and establish expectations around responsibilities and time management prior to the year’s start.
Addressing common sticking points like bedtimes, chores, driving to school, study habits, screen time, and phone use earlier can help ward off conflict or misunderstandings down the line. This may be a good time to dust off a SMART goal template (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, timely) and put it to work.
To Help Your Child Succeed in School: : Rally The Troops
Remember that community is important! Parenting is a huge job and you don’t need to go at it alone. Too often we forget that those around us are capable of providing the help we desperately need. Many of us feel uncomfortable sharing our parenting struggles for fear of being judged. But people around you want to help. And you may be able to return the favor in a way that is helpful for everyone.
This may be the perfect time to begin reaching out to friends and members of your support network. Get them onboard in resource sharing or brainstorming helpful solutions. This may mean arranging ridesharing with family members or neighbors, preemptively identifying tutors or good after-school programs, or scheduling a meeting with other helpers in your community. If you are worried about a particular problem that seems to keep coming up during the school year, talk to other parents. They may have had a similar issue but they just hadn’t brought it up. Good friends will provide validation and new ideas that will help support your child ‘s success in school throughout the year.
To Help Your Child Succeed in School: : Plan, And Then Plan Again
You put in a lot of work to help your child have a successful school year. You’ve gathered your support network, developed a weekly routine, and had the important conversations about expectations - all should be good and you’re finally done, right?
Not quite. There’s still work to be done for a foolproof strategy.
While developing a plan may help reduce confusion at the year’s outset, it’s just as important to revisit the strategy as it’s being implemented - throughout the school year. Is bedtime too early or does your child need more rest? Must certain responsibilities be dropped in favor of focusing on other goals?
Every plan deserves to be evaluated and further improved, and there’s no sense in sticking with what’s not working. This means conversations must be ongoing, and the routine you’ve created is a living thing capable of being tweaked in favor of reaching better outcomes for both you and your family.
But you don’t need constantly make changes to your plans. Many families find it helpful to set specific dates for review. Maybe on the first week of the month? Every six weeks? If you add a reminder to your calendar, you can focus on carrying out the current plan without having to evaluate it constantly. Then, a check-in at the agreed time helps your child review if their plan for school success is working, or if it needs tweaking.
To Help Your Child Succeed in School: Make Time for Therapy
One of the most obvious benefits to therapy is the presence of an invested third party capable of offering parents, teens, and children objective insight and guidance. A therapist is available to validate the stress of the homework, the fears of college applications and managing the annoyance of logging in to whichever new app posts your child’s grades. Similarly, therapy is a great time to concentrate on identifying which aspects of your routine aren’t working and get healthy feedback on what needs to change for the better. In family therapy, routines that increase friction between family members can also be addressed.
Scheduled therapy sessions means having a dedicated time for further reflection and planning, and implementing identified changes between office visits. And though assessing routine and strategizing are already great, having a mental health resource on speed dial is key for maintaining emotional health.
Each year presents new challenges for young persons. Regular counseling can help students manage the impacts upon self esteem and self confidence.
Consistent therapy can help your child maintain a sharp focus on setting healthy and meaningful goals, accepting inevitable failures, and building a sense of competency.
Making space for ongoing conversations can help both students and parents manage one of the year’s most hectic seasons, and head off potential conflicts. While we may not be able to reduce academic workloads or add more hours in the day, seeing a therapist can help students and families develop the necessary skills for getting a healthy start to the school year.
Having clear goals, a solid plan, and appropriate support can help us better manage the stressors we face each fall season. Whether we’re talking with family, neighbors, or staying in touch with a therapist, we can experience success in navigating tough transitions knowing that we don’t have to do it alone.
