How To Raise Kind Kids: 5 Tips
A few years back, LaunchPad Counseling was quoted on Cafemom.com in an article called “5 Ways to Raise Kind Kids.” The post has since been removed from their website, so I’m sharing my suggestions for raising kind kids here.
Kindness is often talked about as something that is going extinct, something rare. Not often do parents mention it as a top priority in their childrearing. Being respectful, smart, or good morals... those are more common. Most parents want their children to "become someone" and be happy.
Of course, all these goals are important. But the fact that people are interested in raising kind children motivates me in a special way. Increasing a child's empathy is one of my main goals in working with children on a daily basis. If you want your children to be kind adults one day, here are a few things you can do now:
To Raise Kind Kids: Lead by Example
Your children will learn what you teach them, but they will most likely follow your example. This will especially come true when they are adults. We all have moments where we realize, "Gosh, when did I become my mom!?" Your child sees and hears everything. This includes how you yell at drivers in traffic, how you express yourself when you are mad, and what you do when your neighbors need help. This doesn’t mean you need to be perfect. Perfect parents don’t exist! But it helps to be mindful about the fact that you have an audience who might one day emulate you.
To Raise Kind Kids: Practice Mindfulness
Stopping and taking time to smell the roses allows your brain to get out of defense mode. When you take time to recharge, your brain (literally) turns down the threat detector. Consequently, you are able to see the beauty in life. You see other people in a better light - and treat them with a renewed sense of kindness. It’s often hard for parents to take the time out of their day, because so many other issues seem more pressing. But when you take time for yourself, you become better everything else too.
To Raise Kind Kids: Don't "Make" Your Child Apologize
When you see that your child is being unkind to someone else, don't pull the "tell her you're sorry" card out right away. Move down to your child's eye level and discuss with them how the other person may have been hurt by your child's behavior. Then problem-solve around how your child could help them feel better. Maybe this involves an apology, or maybe you decide (together) that your child will share their toy. Kindness comes from the heart, not from social rules.
To Raise Kind Kids: Discuss Other's Points Of View
Your child may come home one day talking about how someone in their class is "so stupid." Bringing attention to why that other child may have done what they did, or said what they said, allows your child to learn that there are many ways to look at an issue. You can do this anytime you are discussing differing points of view. You can do this when reading a book, too. “How does this situation feel to this person?… And how about the other person?” There are plenty of chances to observe differing experiences throughout the day!
To Raise Kind Kids: Be Kind To Your child
I can't imagine that a parent would deny doing this. However, it deserves a closer look. Do you treat your child respectfully when they misbehave? Children have a way of getting on their parents' last nerves. Are you able to keep yourself in check, or do you let them "have it?" A good friend that's a phone call (or text) away can be helpful when a venting session is in order. A therapist can also help if you notice that your lack of patience persists, or you keep regretting your interactions. In therapy, you an uncover the reason why it’s so hard to shake these feelings and reactions. If you feel that your situation doesn’t warrant therapy but you still would like to learn better parenting strategies, a parent coach can help too.
To Raise Kind Kids - Bonus Tip: Check Out Play Therapy
If you worry that your child struggles with showing empathy on the playground, throws tantrums that seem out of proportion for their age, or struggles to relate in any other way, Play Therapy can help. As the name already gives away, Play Therapists use games, art and playful techniques to help children get in touch with, and express their emotions in a healthy way. Play Therapy also addresses a wide range of behavior issues in children, and helps kids establish healthy boundaries.
Could your child benefit from Play Therapy? We’d love to help you figure it out. LaunchPad is a counseling practice in Richmond VA, that helps children use their inner resources to overcome stressful circumstances, improve relationships, and reach their goals through pro-social behavior.
Contact us to learn more about child counseling.
